Archive for the ‘NHL’ Category
Kyle Wellwood Signs a Contract with the St. Louis Blues
Oft fat and benched center-man, formerly of the Toronto Maple Laffs and the Vancouver Canucks has signed a one year contract with the St. Louis Blues.
Not one to be deterred, ever. Former Blue’s player Keith Tkachuk has challenged Wellwood to a hot dog eating contest. “When someone comes into your territory and challenges your livelihood, as a man you don’t back down” said Tkachuk at the local hamburger joint drive-through window.
Wellwood, who is flying over the Atlantic could not be reached for comment. However an American Airlines representative has let it be known that they have run out of on flight peanuts on their Russia to America flight.
New Maple Leafs Donut Rumours
The Canadian restaurant chain Tim Horton’s has been rumored to be presenting their own custom Toronto Maple Leafs donuts.
A spokesperson for the restaurant was quoted in saying that the donuts will embody all that is the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club.
Sources from the inside say that the planned donuts are: “Too small, has a hole in the middle and sucks“.
Salo tears bicep reading about DiPietro’s latest injury.
The often injured Sami Salo who is recovering from a ruptured Achilles tendon was reading the local newspaper when he turned the page to read about Rick DiPietro’s left knee injury.
Rob Scuderi doesn’t understand how to eat marshmallows
Rob Scuderi doesn’t understand how to eat marshmallows. Normally you would expect hockey players to know that marshmallows are an edible form of food ingested through the mouth. This picture suggests otherwise, it’s a sad state of affairs when your top free agent signing gets confused at little things like this.
Next thing you know the puck will be dipped in milk and attempts to lick the center out will be met with confusion and despair for the poor d-man.
Mamma Ovechkin Get’s Sassy
Apparently a precedence was set for the NHL when the ancient Greeks in 776 B.C. When they held an Olympic truce during their wars to hold the games. NHL games can sometimes resemble a war zone after some good ole’ fashion fisticuffs. Mama Ovechkin announced today:
“How can [commissioner Gary] Bettman not let them play?” Tatyana, herself a member of two gold-medal winning Russian basketball teams at the Olympics, Doesn’t he understand what Olympics are? Let him read books. Let him study history. They stopped wars in ancient Greece for the Olympics. Wars. And he can’t stop his league for two weeks? This is nonsense.”
Well I guess with Brashear gone in Washington, someone has to start sticking up for Alexander the Great. On that topic the original Alexander The Great was Greek and conquered land in Europe, no? I wonder what he would have to say about this. He’d probably stop his fighting and hit Bettman from behind, because you know Greeks tend to like that.
Oh No! It Happened Again!
It happened again, a new season of hockey. Let us bow our heads in shame for the filth we are about to write and embark upon. God save us all!
F. Me & The NHL
Great, I pick the perfect day to relaunch…
Day 3 of the NHL 2009/2010 season and there are NO FUCKING GAMES! What will I write about?
This reminds me of the time I put my jockstrap on and it broke, so I grabbed my used backup jockstrap out of my bag and slapped in on, only to have it break. The rink store only had jockstraps that were $90.00 Canadian. I feel that kind of futility…
On another note, The Leafs have not won a game yet, so that makes me happier. Yeah I know it’s only 2 games, I’m cheap like that. I get my kicks where I can.
